Where did she go?
Confident. Ambitious. Trusted. Pragmatic. Strong. A go-getter on the leadership track and clear on where she was headed. Then she went on maternity leave, and something changed.
Some said she didn’t really need to work and probably wanted to stay at home with the baby. Others pointed out the cost and juggle of childcare and that there was little choice. Many said the sector forced her to make a choice because it wasn’t flexible enough.
But that’s not really what happened.
She worked hard for her career and wanted to return. Although childcare was extortionate, she could afford it and had chosen a great one that felt like family. And yes the sector wasn’t that flexible but she hadn’t even asked to be told no.
Something else was at play.
She had started leave feeling excited. Sure, she felt apprehensive about what her role and the team would look like when she returned but she had no big reason to worry. However, as the weeks and months passed, she began to feel less and less like herself. She was a capable person. But on leave, she was having to wrestle with a different definition of that. It wasn’t about there being a right way of doing things, neat schedules, things going according to plan. It was messy.
She persevered. Of course she did. She kept trying to make it look how she thought it should, the version the world had spun her. The freshly washed babygros hanging out to dry in the sunshine, cosily breastfeeding on the sofa, and plenty of time to enjoy the slower pace with new friends away from work. But it was like throwing spaghetti at the wall. No matter what she did, she felt sort of undone, like she was failing somehow.
And then the letter from HR arrived inviting her to confirm her return date.
Can you blame her for using all her accrued annual leave to put off returning? I wish this was unusual. It’s really not. I wish I’d worked with her earlier. I would have told her all the things I’m telling her now.
About how leave invites you to be a beginner again, like going on a secondment when you know you’ll be growing new skills. How competence in this space is actually about recognising what parts of you need to come out to play for that experimentation, trial and error, realising that there is no one right way to do anything except the one that works for you and yours. How, if you’re noticing, it will grow you in ways that most leadership courses couldn’t even begin to. And that everything you were before doesn’t go away. It just needs to be integrated with all this growth. It’s not maternity leave itself that pulls talent confidence down, it’s the way the gap throws you into a learning zone about yourself.
That’s why we do things the way we do them at Talent On Leave. Yes, coaching and supporting the professional transitions. Yes, preparing for and supporting the personal moments. But always, always holding the identity shift and growth that comes with it all. Because that’s where the ‘how to’ of working parenthood is actually born.
Lynn White, Founder at Talent On Leave